private notes
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Posted:Jul 31, 2009 8:29 am
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2016 3:46 pm
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fill any thing you want to say here and i will read as fast as i can..... i do look forward to hearing from you
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acold winter
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Posted:Jun 5, 2013 6:02 am
Last Updated:Feb 8, 2016 3:47 pm
20345 Views
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It was the coldest winter ever.
Many animals died because of the cold.
The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.
After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.
Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.
The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities.
The moral of the story is
Just learn to live with the Pricks in your life!
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they said what?
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Posted:Jun 5, 2013 5:59 am
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2013 6:00 pm
20238 Views
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An Elementary School Teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses until they stop running.
2. Strike while the bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of termites.
5. You can lead a to water but how?
6. Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
7. No news is impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a Mr.
9. You can't teach an old new math.
10.If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11.Love all, trust me.
12. The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13. An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14.Where there's smoke there's pollution.
15. Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16.A penny saved is not much.
17.Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19.Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and
you have to blow your nose.
20.There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21. should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22.If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
23.You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25.A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than pregnant
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A CURE FOR YOUR HUSBAND'S TEMPER
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Posted:May 30, 2013 1:26 pm
Last Updated:Jun 7, 2013 6:07 pm
20012 Views
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A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day
my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
Doctor: "I have a cure for that.
When it seems that your husband is getting angry,
just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.
Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room
or goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman returns to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: Doctor that was a brilliant idea!
Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water.
I swished & swished, & he calmed down! How does a glass of water do that?
Doctor: The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.
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A CURE FOR YOUR HUSBAND'S TEMPER
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Posted:May 30, 2013 1:25 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 6:3 am
19616 Views
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A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day
my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."
Doctor: "I have a cure for that.
When it seems that your husband is getting angry,
just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.
Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room
or goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman returns to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: Doctor that was a brilliant idea!
Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water.
I swished & swished, & he calmed down! How does a glass of water do that?
Doctor: The water itself does nothing. It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.
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wrinkled butt
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Posted:May 29, 2013 12:28 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 6:3 am
19573 Views
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Old Wrinkled Butt........... How the world works lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving drunk, he blames the bartender. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED BUTT is parked in front of this computer, I want all of you to blame Bill Gates!
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what about the eggs?
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Posted:May 12, 2013 1:37 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2013 6:42 pm
20888 Views
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If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors, this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet. God willing, someday you will be.
The 2.99 Special We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. 'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously. 'YES!' stated the waitress. 'I'll take the special then,' my wife said. 'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
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interview with my new Dr.
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Posted:May 12, 2013 1:34 pm
Last Updated:Aug 16, 2013 4:46 am
21033 Views
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Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is shape! Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!" AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Englsh.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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At the root of every gray hair, there is a dead brain cell.
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Posted:May 12, 2013 1:21 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2013 6:05 am
20896 Views
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At the root of every gray hair, there is a dead brain cell.
Someone had to remind me, So I'm remindingyou, too. Don't laugh....It is all true! Perks of reaching 50 Or being over 60 And heading towards 70 or beyond!
1. Kidnappers are not very Interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation, You are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run -- Anywhere.
4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'
5. People no longer view you as a Hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left To learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now will Never wear out.
8. You can eat Supper at 4 PM.
9.You can live without sex But not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments About pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits As a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold Your stomach in no matter who walks Into the room.
13. You sing along With elevator music.
14. Your eyes won't get Much worse.
15. Your investment in health insurance Is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are moreaccurate meteorologists Than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends Because they can't remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to A manageable size.
19. You can't remember Who sent you this list.
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Forward this to everyone You can remember Right now!
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beer drinker knows
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Posted:May 12, 2013 1:17 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 6:3 am
20284 Views
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Lady Interviewer: Do you drink every day?
Man: Yes.
Lady Interviewer: How much a day?
Man: Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.
Lady Interviewer: How much does a 6-pack cost?
Man: Roughly $10.00 at a deli.
Lady Interviewer: And how long have you been drinking like that?
Man: 15 years.
Lady Interviewer: So with a six-pack costing $10.00, and you consuming 3 six-packs a day, you are spending roughly $900 each month. In one year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer, not accounting for inflation, 15 years puts your spending roughly $162,000; correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: Did it ever occur to you that if you did not drink for the last 15 years, you could have bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady Interviewer: No.
Man: So where's your Ferrari?
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do you know ... after life?
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Posted:May 12, 2013 1:13 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2024 6:3 am
20309 Views
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An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A , a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?" And then she went back to reading her book.
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what is hell
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Posted:Apr 8, 2013 2:42 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2013 6:06 am
22866 Views
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BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona
chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared
it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we
need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate
at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can
safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering
Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in
Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,'
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that
since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any
more souls and is therefore, extinct........leaving only Heaven,
thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,
last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God...'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
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talking dog
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Posted:Mar 24, 2013 11:11 am
Last Updated:May 12, 2013 1:16 pm
23421 Views
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A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking For Sale'. He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retiever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a talk, he says 'So, what's your story?' The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the guy says.
'Ten dollars? This is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a Bullshitter. He's never been out of the yard'
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