|
Worth the grin ! 9/22/2010
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood
up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the
shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom,
that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher
a note from his mother. The note ...
2 Comments, 180 Views,
11 Votes
,2.05 Score
|
|
Check for Alzheimer's ! 9/15/2010
The following was developed as a mental age assessment
by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University.
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without
making a mistake.
The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!
1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is ...
5 Comments, 144 Views,
13 Votes
,1.13 Score
|
|
Happy woman ! 9/14/2010
A woman in her fifties is at home, naked, happily jumping
on her bed and squealing with delight.
Her husband watches her for a while and asks, "Do you
have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter
with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, "I
don't care what you think. I just came from having a
mammogram, and the doctor says that not only am I ...
2 Comments, 177 Views,
16 Votes
,2.98 Score
|
|
haha 9/5/2010
pussy lol lol ...
15 Comments, 199 Views,
47 Votes
,2.17 Score
|
|
The genie ! 9/4/2010
Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....
Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot
right through the window of the biggest house adjacent
to the course.
The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now
we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize
and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'
So the couple walked ...
4 Comments, 177 Views,
20 Votes
,3.38 Score
|
|
The Bagpiper and the Homeless Man! 9/4/2010
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked
by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for
a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service
was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and
being a typical man I didn't stop for directions. I
finally arrived an hour late and saw ...
2 Comments, 99 Views,
16 Votes
,0.78 Score
|
|
Free kittens ! 9/4/2010
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk
in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing
a number tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing
FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out
of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.
"Hi there, little girl, I'm President Obama.
What do you have in the basket?" he ...
2 Comments, 144 Views,
33 Votes
,1.49 Score
|
|
Trip to Vegas ! 9/4/2010
George and Gertrude decided to celebrate their 50th
Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they
entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young
woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly.
George brushed her off.
Gertrude objected, "George, that young woman was
nice, and you were so rude."
"Gertrude, she's a ."
"I don't believe you. ...
2 Comments, 190 Views,
27 Votes
|
|
Marital Bliss ! ? 9/4/2010
While driving to his mothers house a husband and wife
got into it as usual because he was going to see his mom.
The husband told his wife, "BITCH! Don't say
a fucking word when we get over there because mama can't
stand the sound of your god damn screaming railing and riling
voice."
The wife replied, "You sorry of a bitch! You know
what I can't stand about your old crazy, ...
4 Comments, 207 Views,
21 Votes
|
|
Two elderly women ! 9/4/2010
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities
and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other
and said, 'Now don't get mad at me, I know we've
been friends for a long time, but I just can't think ...
4 Comments, 181 Views,
26 Votes
|
|
For men only ! ! ! 9/4/2010
5 RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and
who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in ...
9 Comments, 226 Views,
57 Votes
,0.16 Score
|
|
A Doctor speaking in front of an audience ! 9/4/2010
The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have
killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-
term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.
But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and
we ...
10 Comments, 202 Views,
54 Votes
,2.03 Score
|
|
Married for 44 years ! 9/4/2010
After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look
at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap
car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white
TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old
gal. Now I have a $500, 000 house, $45, 000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping
with a 65-year-old woman. It ...
11 Comments, 404 Views,
64 Votes
,5.26 Score
|
|
Honey let me be your Salty Dog ! Part II 9/3/2010
Anyways I got all cleaned up to go to this card game and
Julie is raising hell about me going out that early in the
day because she has a beauty appointment at 2:00 pm that
afternoon at a beauty shop that was 600 ft. away from my trailer
on the same side of the highway as the trailer park we lived
in was but this started an argument because of us only having
one car that day. My 76 Cougar was ...
5 Comments, 119 Views,
31 Votes
,1.71 Score
|
|
" In Laws " 9/3/2010
Me and my second wife were driving down a country road one
day not saying a word after an earlier ding buster of a battle
we'd had and neither of us wanted to to give it up.
As we passed a barnyard of mules and pigs my wife sarcastically
asked me, "Relatives of yours are they?"
"That's right Miss America! They're my in-laws." 
15 Comments, 323 Views,
47 Votes
,3.58 Score
|
|
Dear Abbey 8/30/2010
Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from
the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything.
What's worse is that everyone knows that he cheats
on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job six
years ago; he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he
does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and bullshit
with his buddies while I have to ...
15 Comments, 386 Views,
56 Votes
,3.10 Score
|
|
" Sweet Thang" 8/30/2010
A young girl of 13 was hearing a lot of new words pertaining
to sex at school that she didn't understand at all.
She decided to ask her divorced, single beautiful 30 year
old blonde headed mom about it bluntly.
The told her mom the at school were saying
things about going down on one another and that she didn't
understand it at all. She asked her mom, "Will you
tell me what they mean?" ...
8 Comments, 416 Views,
53 Votes
,2.71 Score
|
|
out to lunch 8/25/2010
A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away)
suddenly noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and
under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his
chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman dining across ...
1 Comments, 95 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
|
|
the nympho 8/25/2010
A guy sees his buddy in a bar and says, "You're
not going to believe this, but I've got a wild nymphomaniac
in my car out in the parking lot. She's wearing me out!
Can you go out to the car and keep her busy? The dome light
is off, so she won't know you're not me!"
His friend agrees and goes out to his car.
They climb into the back seat and start going at it.
A few ...
1 Comments, 170 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
|
|
a day at dollar general 8/22/2010
THE OTHER DAY MY GIRL, CLOTERRA, CALLED ME AND ASK ME TO COME
TO HER JOB. SO I WENT TO DOLLAR GENERAL WHERE SHE WORKS. IT'S
KIND OF AN OUT OF THE WAY STORE AND FEW PEOPLE COME THERE BEFORE
2PM. I WENT IN AND SHE WAS AT THE REGISTER. SHE HAD ON A LONG BROWN
SKIRT AND A WHITE BLOUSE. NOW CLOTERRA HAS VERY WIDE FLARING
HIPS, YOU HAVE TO SEE THEM TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN. SHE DIDN'T HEAR ME OR SEE ME COME ...
5 Comments, 143 Views,
8 Votes
,1.39 Score
|
|
once again....communication is key... 7/31/2010
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending
divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your
divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home
in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No, " he said, "I mean what is the foundation
of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar, "
she responded.
"I mean, " he ...
2 Comments, 130 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
|
|
about men 7/31/2010
Men are like fine wine: They all start out as grapes, and
it is your job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until
they mature into something you'd want to have with
dinner.
Men are like computers: Hard to figure out and never have
enough memory.
Men are like coolers: Load them with beer, and you can take
them anywhere.
Men are like coffee: The best ones are ...
2 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
|
|
Aging ! 7/26/2010
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so
I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club
and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class
for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down
and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards
on, the class was over.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the ...
3 Comments, 112 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
|
|
You know you're a okie when.... 7/26/2010
1. You take your for a walk and you both use the same
tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with
a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they
don't want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed ...
1 Comments, 71 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
|
|
Top 10 things men know about women. 7/21/2010
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2. They have breasts.
1. They have a vagina.
1 Comments, 52 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
“Leela Kee Maa Kee…….” 7/20/2010
If you have seen a reindeer or a bull you know what being horny
means. It sticks out a mile away. As I have said earlier too, I am 24x7 horny and on a blind date
it didn’t take me long to get down to the bare essentials.
I was essentially bare in no time and he was still tearing
off his pants when I panted and thrust my pelvic zone rather
impatiently. He peeled off the cotton trousers, got ...
10 Comments, 308 Views,
13 Votes
,2.81 Score
|
|
Grandma Still Drives! 7/14/2010
Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives
her own car.
She writes,
Dear Grand-,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store
and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had
just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed
by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I ...
3 Comments, 121 Views,
14 Votes
,4.42 Score
|
|
First Date Fuck Ups 7/14/2010
We've all had them. Admit it. Everybody's had
at least one. Well, I've had more than one. There's
one that almost got me arrested. And how about the one who's
wife called me ten minutes after he dropped me off? I've
got a hundred stories, but I'm only gonna tell you about
one.
The names have been changed to protect the guilty. Before
I tell you this story I have to tell you a little ...
1 Comments, 258 Views,
11 Votes
,4.29 Score
|
|
Can girls appreciate some jokes during sex? 7/5/2010
And what are the limits?
I wore a yellow (banana flavored) condom. And ran around yelling PIKA PIKA PIKA! I got scolded for that >_>
1 Comments, 36 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
5 yr Anniversary 6/15/2010
I had crimped and prepped the night before he was takin me
to dinner and a movie to celebrate our anniversary. I wanted
to do something really kinky this anniversary just to let
him know "I still had IT".
We went to dinner first and it was a fancy joint so I didn't
wanna pull any tricks out there. We went on to the theather
to see "7 Pounds-Will Smith". I knew I wanted
to do something ...
2 Comments, 80 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
